Atonement on Womanhood (9/28)

Lord, forgive me for fear. When a man approaches me,

a flame unfurls from my belly, a scarlet snake around my waist

Already in consumption of my body. I burn myself so he

will not eat me. Forgive me for being afraid of man, for believing

Love to be an unholy elegy of desire. When a man tells me he loves me,

I become the opposite of love. I become the very thing you died for

In fear of submission, of losing myself by receiving. To find myself,

I search for my father in other men—but run away from the living

Room where he sits. Truthfully, I am afraid of obedience,

of the day I let a man open me to crawl into my body. When A—

Talked about it, I felt shame for the first time, and with it,

the pious triumph of becoming a woman, as if Eve returned her lungs

To Adam, refunding her femininity for his fuller breath. Lord,

forgive me for my sin, wanting all of my skin, every last hair of it.

For being unwilling to return to my origin. For being, at all. Forgive me

for hurting a man’s pride to salvage my own, then wanting

Him again to mend my own fraying heart. For wanting to become

something greater than him, than you. Lord, forgive me for loving

Too much, but almost always never enough. I pray that I become

the good woman. Truthfully, I am afraid of love, of what it could

Mean, because it is from you. Because I am afraid of you.